I’ve gotten older and there is one thing I’ve realized, actually known all along, that I can not change – People around me, people I know, people I love and people I hate – they will die. Some just with time, some due to silliness or to illness. I do have my better of dead list – so there are some deaths I look forward to.
I find myself in that position, again. Though I’m not watching, I am reading. The blog of Dr. Howard Faulkner, a former professor at the college I attended, he was the chair of the English department before he retired. A strong, tall, charming and yes even good looking – which I have no trouble saying as a man. Men can acknowledge that another man is attractive or good looking. I always remember his as always being friendly and from his blog, he continues to live up to his reputation and continues to be charming.
Should something bring me to a lingering death, be it old age or a terminal disease, could continue to maintain my dignity as Howard continues to do. Howard has also helped reinsure my conviction that death should be accepted as it is, something final and something that can’t escaped.
He has also affirmed my belief that dying is something we can control. I’m in power of how I die. I admire Howard, but I can not see myself trying to extend my life through chemo and life support equipment. I’m not saying Howard is wrong or doing something foolish, it just isn’t form me.
I’m considering getting an additional tattoo. A simply three letter tattoo on my chest, _*DNR*_.
I want to make sure there is no question, I die my way. How I die is not to be taken from me. In my death I want people to think of Frank Sinatra and hear his song, My Way. My dying will be done My Way.
Don’t think that I’m just want to curl up and die. I’m willing to fight, by house rules. Limited life support, chemo – limited again. Will the chemo be worse than the cancer? Frankly I’ll bet with the odds.
What we had thought was bone cancer was really kidney cancer, which had metastasized to several bones. “That’s not good news,” I said. And indeed it wasn’t.
Rabbit Punched http://bit.ly/IVaW8b
#death #righttodie #cancer #dignity #franksinatra #ididitmyway #kidneycancer